How to stop being controlled by others opinions?

Question

I'm 21 years old. And I dream to be a computer programmer, I really do. The problem is (I am going to get a bit technical here) that when i decide to learn a certain programming language that i see my self comfortable with, i hear someone says it has a small career market(sometimes that's true) or it's not that good(as he sees). But still, i found myself very comforted with it, and see myself can go somewhere by learning it, even if it has a small career market, i hope to be so pro at it that i can hunt job opportunities with ease..

But unfortunately, i find myself just turning around and starting all over with another language. Until somebody else change my mind. I feel like going.. no where .

I can't stick with a goal despite what others say..

And that's not only affecting computer stuff. It's affecting, most of my life decisions.

Can anybody say what's wrong with me, please ?

Answer 1

that when i decide to learn a certain programming language

I don't suggest it. Learning one or certain programming language is not good. I think first of all, you should learn Object-oriented programming without connected any specific language. After that, learn how many programming languages that you can. Try all of them. Make a small project for everyone. And this way, you can find which programming language is best for you.

Can anybody say what's wrong with me, please ?

Nothing wrong with you. Take it easy. Always open your mind new ideas and suggestions. But apply a few. Diversity means variety and wealth. Think like this; Who knows there are how many people in your around that you can benefits their information, experience and intelligence.

And you are 21 years old. I mean come on, you are in the beginning on the road. Believe me, you will make a lot of mistake in rest of your life and these mistakes get you experience. You choose being a programmer and it's great. How can you be a great programmer? Answer is: getting a lot of experience. How can you get a lot of experience? Answer is: Making a lot of mistakes and someday you will learn how to do right.

Remember this; No matter how good you are, always someone will be better than you.

Because; You can't know what you learn someone which you think "I know everything he/she knows"

Answer 2

I want to put the programming stuff aside (it's just content) and focus on your process.

This process you have in place will come up in all kinds of areas in your life. The underlying issue here is plainly stated in the title of your post - "How to stop being controlled by others".

You are not being controlled.

You are choosing based on what others want.

The question is, why? What would motivated you to do such a thing? Spend some time thinking about how you interact with other people. If you want them to like you badly enough, you might give up a part of yourself in exchange. In this case, you are "letting them decide" how you should run your life. The question to ask yourself: if you're giving up a piece of yourself in order to feel like these people like you, is it you they like, or an image you've created for them, the "perfect you"?

Sit with that for a bit. Let me tell you something - once you break through the the stuff you're making up for yourself, and start actually living your life, it becomes much more enjoyable and genuine. And the people who love you won't leave you for it.

Answer 3

Before deciding on a programming language to learn, IMO you should know what kind of software you would like to build.

Doing it vice versa will make you move in circles. It is like asking, "Should I go by train or a cycle?", the answer to this question depends on where you want to go!

My suggestion is to list down the KINDS of softwares which you would like to develop. Example:
1. Linux scripts for system administration tasks
2. Linux device drivers/Interrupt handlers
3. Database projects e.g Library management systems
4. Web based project e.g Website etc.
etc.

Now, if you select 1, language needed is shell scripts, C/C++ won't be suitable for the job.
if you select 2, language needed is C, Java/.Net won't be suitable for the job, since kernel is written in C.
if you select 3, language needed is PHP/Python, Assembly language won't be suitable for the job.
if you select 4, language needed is PHP/Python/Javascript, Assembly language/C++ won't be suitable for the job.

If your aim is to earn huge money, then you may need to kill your interest, and look in the "job websites". See what kind of softwares fetch what kind of income, and act accordingly.

Relying on people won't be too helpful IMO, different people have different opinions. The best way to know what's going on in the market, is to make a extensive and intelligent search on the job websites(they are there for a reason).

Answer 4

Learn to separate facts from opinions.

When someone tells you that technology X "is not that good (as he sees)", then probe into that matter by asking him a few questions, such as:

• what exactly is not good about X?

• what other technology would be a suitable replacement for X?

• what doesn't this replacement do well, that X does very well?

Then, ask yourself these questions. Do some research. Compare notes, and arrive at a bit more sensible answer. Sometimes, you may want to take things easy and learn X for the mere sake of enjoyment (and here is where a harmless "l'enfer, c'est les autres" attitude can come in handy).

Answer 5

Learning a programming language is not a goal it self. It is a skill to help you do whatever you are want to do in your professional carrier/life. Setting a goal for learning a programming language might be ambiguous especially if you are not sure what to expect in terms of dedication you have to make, and the challenges you will face.

So how can you define that something has been "learned"?

Setup milestones in your training. This will help you to establish goals that are more solid than just "learning a programming language".

For example, finishing a chapter in a book, or examining a code piece.. These will get you through the learning process one step at a time, in a controlled way.

Setup little training missions for yourself, and don't discuss with people until you get them done. This way you would discuss your work, rather than discussing your carrier options.

Answer 6

I want to go with a short answer in my experience: If you want to be successful of anything, just follow your passion and keep doing it. If you have to learn something else rather than your favourite language because of someone else's word, they must talk about the popular lang which you can get a job easily.

But believe me, lang is not important. Once you get well in programming, you should try them all and the lang is not the problem but your brain is matter now.

I'm 21 years old too, and I decide to follow my passion : " Do your best ! The rest will come "

Answer 7

I think you should learn the language you want not because the language itself might be valuable or not -it probably is- but because it's an accomplishment and it will be a stepping stone to bigger accomplishments.

People's opinions are important. People's opinions are also cheap and often irrelevant. Consult them, gather them but also probe and cross-check them against other sources. What matters at the end isn't what you do, but how much you do it. Learning a bad language for a thousand hours is better than learning a good language for ten.

Find your own path. Discover what you like and have a passion for and immerse yourself in it. Being good at anything is valuable, and it's especially easy to be good at things that you have a passion for.

Answer 8

But unfortunately, i find myself just turning around and starting all over with another language. Until somebody else change my mind. I feel like going.. no where .

I can't stick with a goal despite what others say..

What is happening in the "somebody else change my mind" step here? Can you state why you go where you go? If not, then I could see the problem being that you either don't have the vision to know what you want or you don't have the tenacity to stick with it till you get it. I've had a bit of both in my goals over the years so I can relate a bit. The key question is how much are you letting other people dictate your life? Are you substituting their judgment for your own frequently?

If you want a suggestion for help look into Assertiveness and Emotional Intelligence as I suspect those would help you navigate your way through life.

Answer 9

I've been suffering the same problem for the last few years without realizing it. It comes down to this: You will not be happy putting everyone else first and everything in your life will suffer for it, including your passions. If you're to a point that you put most or all of your self worth into how well you perform, any kind of failure or setback will cripple you. Build your self worth first and these setbacks won't affect you anywhere near as severely.

It hasn't been easy so far, but its worth it.

Good luck.

Answer 10

You've got to find what you love - I'm borrowing this opinion by someone who was very successful, Steve Jobs.

In his Speech at Stanford (2005) he says that every little thing you do (even if it does not seem to make sense (in a life-changing way) to you the moment you do it) influences your future life and might be useful some time. And he states that if you keep searching what you love, you'll be successful in what you do.

So you should not let your life being influenced by what others say, especially if it is only their opinion and not based on facts, but follow your interest and intuition.

Answer 11

So many lives and career's are destroyed by listening to what other people say.

Not saying that it isn't true, but that as a programmer your job has to be about constant learning and improving your skill and experience set.

The more language's you learn, the easier it becomes, because each language teaches enough important concepts that translate through many languages.

But I highly recommend that you find people who are experts in whatever language you want to learn, and see what lessons you can from watching them work or talk or speak.