I had two friends that about 6 months ago, elected to hang out with my ex instead of me. I had calmly addressed the issue in the past and the fact that I was not comfortable with that but they chose to do this anyway.
I've forgiven them since. At the same time, that's not the type of character I'd like to associate myself with.
As I've gotten older, time is a commodity of equal value to money.
We now have mutual friends which forces me to bump into these ex-friends. Despite me listening to a lot of self development material which helped me to decide I'd greet them but not interact with them, I find myself feeling a natural sense of tension and awkwardness.
I now find that I'm having to divide my time up at important events to avoid being around these friends any longer than I want to.
An example would be that a friend had his birthday and I didn't know they were coming. They arrived and I felt awkward and left as I wasn't enjoying myself. In my opinion, it was a waste of time and petrol. I didn't even get to finish my drink.
I feel greatly insulted that despite me not creating the initial issue, I've got to dance around the problem. Tonight I'm going to that friend's girlfriend's party and again, they'll be there meaning the plan that comes to mind is to drop off the gift, stay 30 minutes and leave.
This ex friend upsets me because he'll call me after I leave and leave messages saying it's unfair for me to do that to my friends. I'm not a violent person but this really upsets me and I don't want my instincts to take over to the point that I attack him the next time I see him because that would make a fool out of me, it would be illegal and I don't want to give him the satisfaction of getting to me.
Those mutual friends are ones I don't want to lose but with the self development courses I've taken, my self respecting self is becoming less and less prepared to facilitate these situations of drama.
Time is important to me. My friends are too. I want to be productive in terms of time and emotion and this is a situation that I'm having trouble with.
Can you offer some advice please?