I'am 28 now and i have the tendency to take everything for granted.I have always been extremely ignorant about numerous things that one would encounter in his/her life like studies,taking care of oneself/family,making friends,socializing,getting the right job,getting a girlfriend etc.It's been a while since the time i realized that i lacked maturity,despite that i never took anything seriously.My ignorance was fueled with arrogance and egoism too.
I understand that everyone needs to incorporate "take it easy policy" in their lives,but not to an extent that it jeopardizes life itself.Because of this behavioral issue/attitude i couldn't perform well on jobs and i have lost numerous jobs as none of my peers nor my employer liked me(especially women,of course!).For now i'am not skill full enough to work in any other industries other than customer service.
I have been jobless from past 6 months.I have been feeding myself and my mother with little savings since then(not sure how i've been able to manage despite severe food inflation and soaring cost of living here in bangalore india).However i'am confident that i'll be able to come out with a proper explanation regarding the gaps in my tenure to the interviewer and get employed.I'am really not worried about that.But i have been trying not to waste time or misuse my "break from work" and i have kept myself quite busy by studying.
I have a burning desire to study maths and physics on my own because university or college is not an option because of the condition that i'am presently in.I didn't study well in my college days when i had an opportunity and enough support from my mother which i took it for granted(I deeply regret that because of which i want to study now,as i feel that i'am missing something).I used to just sit and procrastinate which i still do (but rarely).Never took part in sports or extra curricular activities nor made friends which would have at least done something good to me.I don't think none of my classmates were willing to talk to me even if had shown a genuine interest in being their friend.Had a lot of ambition but not a specific goal in mind.
After reading this https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1419388 a couple of months ago,i decided to foster many interests out of which maths and physics are the subjects i chose to cater to my personal growth along with exercising in the open and cycling (yet to learn swimming).I also ensure that i get sufficient sleep and follow a good diet(i'am more of a vegetarian)By the way the very first comment in that post was enlightening to me.Since then i have acquired sufficient knowledge in basic math.A full semester course in calculus,have watched and understood many videos from khan academy and a couple of other sources.I'am interested in taking my math knowledge further to differential equations (both ODE and PDE) and eventually apply then to theoretical physics (as a hobbyist) or perhaps get into fields like computational science(I know this involves simulation/programming etc).That's my goal.
Ok.That was a short (may be long,i don't know)story about my past and a little bit on what i want to do next (goal).Here'e another thing for which i desperately need some sort of advice which enables me to be a better person and lead a proper life.Lately inferiority complex has kicked in which has triggered a mild depression in me(not clinical depression,thankfully).I even used get angry at times for no reason and started to watch violent movies,prison documentaries showcasing hardcore criminals,rapists etc and their fights and stabbings.I used then as a means of motivating myself in order to build muscles by exercising heavily such that i can get strong and seek revenge on someone whom i used to hate back in college/workplace etc.Thank god,guns are not widely available for sale here in India unlike the US.If that was the case i would have procured a license by now and misused it.
Enough of my barking.
How do i stay mentally strong? Sometimes i get depressed because of loneliness (may be due to lack of socializing,partying,going on a vacation,breakups with a couple of women,inability to grasp certain math/science concepts,etc Needless to say,Partying,Going on a vacation,Taking a girlfriend or one's own mother for a ride all comes with a hefty price tag nowadays.Hence these are not something to make a choice from,atleast for now!)
How do i stop my mind from wavering?
How do i get people to like me?(Not only this will help me to be a better seller in order to get a job based on my skill but also to coexist)
Edit:Apologies for not choosing the right tag.May be someone with rights could do it for me please.