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Would someone be kind enough to tell me how to move on from a heart break. It's been almost 8 months and there are still remnants of past memories. Moving on is easier said than done.

She ditched me because I am skinny and not attractive, she took advantage of me for 3 years and when boredom struck she moved on to find someone else.

What are the initial steps to be taken to get out of it completely.

in other words...

How to make peace with your past bad experiences?

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6 Answers 6

up vote 11 down vote accepted

I found out my wife had been having an affair for over six months in January. I have had breakups before and I knew what to expect, it still hurt like hell and it still lasted a long time, I’m almost at the finish line now.

What to do:

  1. Let time pass and accept that you feel the way you feel.
  2. Stop beating yourself up for feeling like shit, you're supposed to feel like shit when this happens.
  3. Improve yourself and your life, do things that you always meant to.
  4. Cut all ties and DO NOT CONTACT HER.

I set out with the mindset of winning the breakup, childish but motivating. To expand on the ‘improve yourself’, this is what I did:

  1. Work out, get big and strong and feel attractive again.
  2. Meditate every day.
  3. Keep a diary every day.
  4. Take up new hobbies.
  5. Make new friends.

You can make yourself happier and better than you were before, if you want to.

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  1. Remove any ability you have to contact her. Even if you are unsure if you may want to contact her in the future. The best way to prevent it is to not have access to it.

  2. Are you happy with yourself? Your looks or physique? If so, then don't feel like you need to change because she didn't like it. If you don't like your appearance, then resolve to change it. Start hitting the gym 2-5 times a week. It will help you regain confidence and forget about the past.

  3. Put yourself out there. Having interactions and attractions with new people will not only help boost your confidence, but help you get over your past.

  4. Lastly, resolve to "get over this." Convince yourself it has to be done. It is temporary, and you will break out of it.

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3 years that is quite some time, but throw away everything that reminds you of her. Unfriend her and everyone connected to her on fb or other such thing.

Do not check photos of her, delete them from computer, just remove, delete trash it. Avoid as much as possible anything that reminds you of her.

Forgetting is easier if you have someone to talk to, you can find single girls just for chat on internet to distract yourself from memories. When you chat, avoid writing about your ex, do not even start that topic, think about getting to know other girls, even if only virtually, it does not matter.

Move on with your life, change some old habits. That would be my advice.

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I had a heavy disappointment from my parents. I did the same things to get over it - I got rid of everything that connected me to my parents, and in parallel, looked for new things to focus on. I would try going into something big you've always wanted for yourself, and trying to achieve that dream. I don't think there's anything healthy that can be done to deal with bad emotions, except to find new good ones. –  Rafael Cichocki Jun 6 '13 at 14:21

Wisdom says broken heart is cured by another heart -- a new love definitely gets you over break-ups.

While memories need not be gone. I actually consider it pretty bad. The only thing to let go is attached pain -- one that is rooted not with the memory but later problems and events. That is worth working on, to detach all these contaminating factors, and gain back the memories as they were, be able to feel that joy, excitement, whatever in the original form.

Took advantage? Come on now. Everyone is his own master. You provided everything of your own free choice. And well done too. It's pure poison to think like that. Were you unhappy with giving? If you were, why you did it? Blame yourself, for not listening to yourself, and ignoring real intentions. Or if you were not unhappy, as normally happens, there's no reason to change that after-the-fact.

You know the basic joke: a lady goes to the shop, and pays with a $100 bill. The keeper looks at it, then gives it back, saying it's a counterfeit. The lady starts shouting "Help! I was raped!".

You were left after 3 years, it is sad really, but that part really can't be changed. All you can work is to eliminate the clouds and recover happiness backwards, and obviously forward. And if you can finally reopen for love, you can find another.

It's a hard life but it's in its nature, and can be just embraced.

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Write down a list of all the things you didn't like about her and review it every time you're feeling heartbroken. You'll feel somewhat relieved, even grateful that she left. I'm sure there will be many things she did that left you feeling very stressed if she just took off.

Think yourself lucky that she left now, before kids, house,... came along, when it gets real messy.

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It's true: time heals damn near every wound. You almost don't have to do anything but go on with your life, as best as you can, while accepting the fact it's going to go on hurting till it'd done ... and then one day, you notice the music doesn't stir up the pain ... and it gets better from there.

I don't think you can hasten it on bit--and it always takes longer than people want. Each person's grieiving is full of their own past. We do hate pain - which of course worsens pain. What you resist, persists. There's a way to have it and also not the main stream of your thought and your present experience. Go a little Buddhist. They've got the best path.

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