I have had so many family issues that they made me a "bad" person. In simple words, I don't care about anything. People, problems, life in general. I have no morality, no god, no nothing.
I am 20 years old and I feel like 90. I want to get things done. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with the part of me that doesn't give a f***. My problem is my lack of motivation. I read all the books, the blogs, the articles.
I feel pumped in the moment, but then nothing. I lose my interest in what I was planning to do.
I need a scope, a purpose. I feel like nothing really matters in this life because of all the crap I came across.
I need to feel alive. I need something to achieve, a goal, a strong one. The problem with my goals so far is that once I achieve it, I feel empty. I don't know if it makes sense, but I enjoy more the "journey", the problem-solving towards achieving that particular goal then the goal itself. And that feeling of accomplishment... it doesn't last and I feel hopeless, again.
Here are some examples of goals that I have set for myself in the past:
1. Learning a programming language and writing a program that saves me time.
Took me 2 weeks but I came up with a Python script (about ~200 lines of code) that will save me massive amounts of time.
2. Be the best in the CCNA course that I currently take
I get 95%+ on the CCNA chapter exams, always know the answers to the instructor's questions, always now how/where to put the gear (switches, routers, etc). Of course, this is an "ongoing" goal, since I have to continue my study, but it's really not challenging when you are surrounded by ignorant people who only think that IT == Word of Warcraft
3. Read a book every week/two weeks
I got to Italy when I was 9, and even then I knew Italian better then Italians themselves. This is because I like to read and reading good form makes you write/speak in good form. Again, once I proved to myself/others that I am "the best" I continue this goal just for habit not for a challenge.