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I've a simple question related to a specific Mental State.
Some times you does a great work (Help) for others(Company/Relatives/Friends/etc.) But because of their emotion and/or some situation and/or their reaction you failed to satisfy your own. And it leads to a big(long time) mind war.
And if you are not a attitude person, you will make the whole blame on your self. And it results in hate yourself. And also you decide to change yourself(your behavior) even though you are right.
One reason as per my understanding it could because of our higher expectations.
Is there any way to escape this type of situation and concentrate on your Work(Routine) ?

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closed as unclear what you're asking by THelper, Daniël W. Crompton, Rory Alsop Feb 22 '14 at 1:35

Please clarify your specific problem or add additional details to highlight exactly what you need. As it's currently written, it’s hard to tell exactly what you're asking. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question.If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

As i'm new here, you can suggest me some tag for this question. – Jaykishan Feb 18 '14 at 6:45
up vote 3 down vote accepted

In all situations, to be more detached and not letting this mind war go on try this:

  • write down the FACTS about the situation. What is undeniable, what happend, how often, etc. Be objective.

  • write down your analysis of why this happend, ALL THE OPTIONS. Even the craziest.

  • Now take a step back and discuss with people involved in the situation to check your assumptions / analysis. Try to get proof, otherwise it could just only be your reading that is wrong and you are having a drama on your own in your head because of a misunderstanding.

  • Based on this complete story, with both sides of it, review the situation, what you have learnt, share the learning with a friend, and move on.

Speaking from experience here, and it is quite incredible how many times your 'mind war' relies on unvalidated assumptions. Also this should help you build more robust relationships with people around you + help you get your emotions across before it all explodes!

Good luck!

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The Perfectionist's Handbook: Take Risks, Invite Criticism, and Make the Most of Your Mistakes by Jeff Szymanski discusses ideas of healthy and unhealthy perfectionism that may be worth noting here. Healthy perfectionism is about striving and having high standards but not always expecting that result. Thus, there is something to be said for having a standard of excellence that one tries to meet and accepts that it isn't always going to be met.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy would be another option here where one can use various techniques to change how they think and thus not get caught in that negative spiral that you give in the question here. The idea here is to recognize that we are human, mistakes will happen and thus one has to let go when things aren't always perfect.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy takes things a bit further than CBT as this blends in ideas like mindfulness and emotional regulation that can be useful for some people.

Change or Die: The Three Keys to Change at Work and in Life by Alan Deutschman covers some keys for people making life long change that could be useful here as well. One of these ideas is to find some people that can instill the hope that the change is doable, repeat the new behaviors and eventually reframe how things are seen. The point here is to look at how does one see things and interpret the world.

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