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Before I begin, I must clarify that I am a teenager and a programmer and this is going to be a long post.

My case might resonate with other teenagers or it may not but anyways, here it goes.
I know that to err is human and every error has its consequences - dire or not. And I do believe that a single person cannot be blamed, squarely, for errors.

This has been my case for as long as I can remember; ever since childhood, I should say. Be it academics, home or whatever, I have been blamed squarely for everything. I was supposed to act "responsibly".

As an example, we have group projects in Uni. Not all the people put in the same amount of time and effort into a particular project. The end result is that a part of the project is good while the other is sub par. And as you might have figured it out, I get blamed for "not motivating the group enough and not checking on their progress". Home hasn't been any different.

I did try talking it out with those who blame me (parents and teachers mostly) and the one reason that they always give me is "so that you will act more responsibly and be a better person". In fact, it is to the contrary.

  1. I have begun running away from responsibilities. It puts me in a spot where I can be blamed.
  2. I refuse to let people work with me. Much worse, I will be blamed for others' mistakes.
  3. I procrastinate a lot. What if I am just not good enough?

How does one deal with a situation like this? I does affect one's career and outlook on life.

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closed as off-topic by Dennis S., Rory Alsop Jun 3 at 19:18

  • This question does not appear to be about personal productivity within the scope defined in the help center.
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

    
This doesn't look like a productivity question to me, within the scope of productivity.stackexchange.com/help/on-topic. There may be one or more productivity questions embedded, but this question needs to be edited (and perhaps split into multiple questions) to bring them out. As-is, I think this is off topic. –  Dennis S. Jun 2 at 18:08
    
As Dennis said, there may be a productivity question in there, but as it stands, this question appears to be off-topic. If you can edit it such that it comes back on topic, we can reopen. –  Rory Alsop Jun 3 at 19:18

1 Answer 1

The first thing you need to realise is that people are not against you, they are for themselves. This means that, often, when they blame you, they can get out of their own responsibilities.

While this doesn't mean you shouldn't take up any responsibility for you own mistakes, it does mean that you have to be able to recognise the origin of the error, and do your part to correct it. Especially when it is easy for people to blame you, you will get blamed. Not because you're a horrible person or because you're not good enough to do the work, but because it's easier to blame you, than to take responsibility.

The only way to get out of this situation is to make sure you take up your own part of the responsibility for the mistake, and have other people take up theirs. This doesn't mean you should make the other people! It just means you do what you can, and give yourself some credit when you do.

At this point, it will be difficult to get back on top, because your confidence and patience has been damaged, but it's not at all impossible. When you get criticized next time, see if it applies to you. If it doesn't, just ignore it. If it does, look at it as something you can learn from, and embrace the fact that you're not perfect, but you can be better anyway.

Good luck!

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